On Being A Parent

So I've felt a little absent lately from "life, love and change..." (minus the obligatory updates about the Cardinals and pictures of my girls, of course), and I thought I'd tell you why. I'm now a two-blog kinda' girl. I know, the mind reels! Two months ago I didn't have one blog, and now I have two. Kinda' funny even to me. But here's how it happened.

When Michael signed his contract for his new job in St. Louis, it was a huge turning point in this whole process for me (as has been posted previously, and I won't go there again, but it's part of the evolution of blog #2). The most difficult part of this turning point was that we could start saying definitively that "we are moving." Ugh. It still feels like a pit in my stomach to say it. Some of the most difficult conversations about this were had with my dear clients. I love my work, and it's such a key part of who I am and my life here. The relationships I have with the people who entrust to me the content of their most private lives is so precious. One such precious life said to me, as we were both weeping over my latest "we are moving" declaration, "but who will teach us how to be mamas?"

This really struck me. Who teaches any of us to be parents? Who of us really showed up at the hospital to have a child prepared to nurture a new life into adulthood? or understanding what that means, or how to learn? Maybe we went to parenting classes to learn how to manage pain in labor or how to change a diaper, but the actual raising of young lives wasn't exactly covered there. Sure, we have picked things up from our parents (things we want to do with our own kids and things we don't), and sure there are books to be read and seminars to attend, but most of the actual learning about how to be good parents happens in the lab, so to speak. As I think about my life and growth and change therein, it has happened predominantly in the context of relationship...I believe fundamentally that we were created for relationship, have been molded and shaped and even wounded in relationship, and it follows that our growth, healing and change happens in relationship, too. (This is why therapy works so brilliantly, incidentally, and why self-help books do not usually change our lives.) So, "who will teach us how to be mamas," if not other mamas?

Enter Norma: my very cool, fun, dear friend and the closest thing I've known to a sister not younger than me, and a really gifted mother, too. Poor Norma, too, because I drug her (quite blindly, probably) into my vision: to create a community of mothers committed to the process of raising children in a pretty unorthodox way (societally speaking). I won't go into much more of the philosophy or vision of it, because we've done that at Two Crazy Mamas: mothering outside of the box.

It's sorta' scary...I mean, we have a grand vision for what it could be. Whether it will become that or not really depends on how willing other mamas are to be part of a community: to reveal themselves to some degree and participate in dialogue that is sometimes vulnerable and where the answers are perhaps ambiguous. So far, we hear lots of good feedback word-of-mouth, and we even hear that we've gone global (which is terrifying, honestly), but the community at this point seems to be mostly reading, not responding. I think what feels scary about it is this...if the blog continues to be Norma and me writing about parenting and others reading what we write but not responding, then it feels like we are, de facto, some sort of experts on the matter. I sure don't want to be an expert...I want this community for me as much (or more) than I want it for other mamas out there.

This post is not my plea for you to visit the blog and comment...honestly. It's more my needing to communicate my fear that something I long for very much may not happen. It's really pretty beyond my control. Historically, this is not something I relish...I mean, I don't just thrive in out-of-control places. Some people do those places well, but not so much me. This is also about my gratitude for the dear one who first put the idea for the blog in my head. I am so blessed to not just participate in the lives of those I work with, but to benefit from what they give back to me, as well. They will be so hard for me to leave. I have such sadness about this...and no hope that the sadness will abate, either. Yuck.

Well, if you do know a mama who you think would appreciate Two Crazy Mamas, please send her our way. The more, the merrier. We are looking for mamas of all ages and stages - there are none too young, too old. Shoot, at this point we'd love to have anyone, mama or not, as long as they'll contribute!